MyLoveMyLife

bye dad, be happy up there : (

2010-08-01T13:07:00.003+08:00

Today is Saturday, the 31st of July..
It's about a month since I was leaving Houston and 3 days since I became fatherless..

It started fine on Thursday, the day my dad passed away..
Everybody was treating me so well.. too well maybe, to the point where I thought that God was giving me a break in the end..
Yet, I was wrong.. Completely wrong I could say..

I tried my best in everything..
I know I often complaint, but I always put my family and friends needs as a priority instead of myself..
Even though I disliked the plan, I always get along with it since I know it will at least make someone happy that day..
Why can't at least everything stay the same..
I never ask for anything.. I am contented just the way I am..
I'm completely fine with a small apartment, lousy car, or instant noodle... Why can't at least God give me a break.. Just once..

But I am over it now..
I know everything happen for a reason.. and this time too..
I am fatherless now.. and I couldn't ask God to rise some one from the death, can I?
Maybe he can, but I doubt he will do it for me this time since I am too disappointed with him this time round..
Well God, if you can read this, I will not ask for any break from you anymore..
I will just be my usual self, and take everything as it is as if I am a Superman..
I am only 19 this year and I completely wondering why my life is so miserable while I always tried to make someone else happy..
I promise I will not turn from you.. But here is my wish, keep my dad by your side won't you?
I can't even see him for the last time, so would you please at least safe my face and keep him by your side in Heaven..
One more thing, please let my Mom stay healthy the way she is now and I will be really grateful to you for the rest of my life..
If you wish to take her too, I beg you to take me first..
Now, you can continue to make me feel miserable and I won't get angry anymore..

And for you Dad..
You never been a good father either and how could you leaving me by my self..
You never taught me to drive, you never taught me about girls, and you don't even see me for at least 5 years since the last time I met you..
Now what, you are leaving me for good?
But that's fine dad, I'm not angry anymore.. Just be happy up there and continue to look after me and Mom from up there..
At least you could do that to make it up to me, won't you?
I sometimes envy my friends who has a father.. How I wish you'll be there too for me..
But not this time huh? maybe the time is not right yet.. or my luck is just so bad..
However, I am grateful to you for letting me alive in this world..
I am not happy with you but I am proud of you at the same time..
So don't you worry about me up there.. I'll be doing a fine job here. I'll take care of Mom here and be a good Son that you can talk about up there..
A perfect Son who is super smart, good looking, and not lacking anything huh?
Be happy up there and tell God I said hello and thanks for letting you be by his side right now!
We'll meet again in 70 years or so? so wait for me ya?

“You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone, or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

and I'll just do that for you Dad..

Till we meet again..

Much Love, your son,

Adrian Tjakra

I hate to go..

2010-06-08T12:00:00.002+08:00

People so seldom say I love
you And then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I
love you or I want to be here, It doesn't mean that I'll never go, Only that I wish that I didn't have to..

they were to busy with their own life

2010-05-12T12:50:00.003+08:00

For the first time in my life..
I really think moving is the best option...

Such a hypocrite myself for hating the drama while I myself is the drama king..

and i'm leavin,...

2010-04-30T00:48:00.008+08:00

"You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, and you are leaving a part of yourself behind." and maybe, this time, it will be my greatest escape!
I wanna stay~
but my happily ever after ending is only a fairy tale..

I wish I could stop the tme...

2010-03-31T12:30:00.003+08:00

how. i. wish. i. could. stop. the. time.
i am not lonely nor ready to fall in love..
it's because, i think i already find my "home"..
and..
it just feels so bad knowing that you can't come back as you usually do..

I'm a fool..

2010-03-23T10:33:00.000+08:00

I'm A Fool?

I must be like this because I’m a fool
It seems alright even when I’m hurt
Even when I’m teased about my pitiful love
Because I’m a fool beyond help

I was good to her because I wanted to be
I was happy with just that
If she smiles just once
I’m happy with that smile

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”
I simply stay by her side like this
Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving
I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand
A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me
I’ll stay there without changing
Because I love her

Because she was the one I chose
Even the pain made me happy
If she looks back at me just once
I’m happy with that

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”
I simply stay by her side like this
Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving
I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand
A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me
I’ll stay there without changing
Because I love her

Until someone else to watch over her in my place arrives
I’ll stay by her side for the time being
Because this is a love where I’m just happy to gaze at her
I don’t need anything in return

So that she can lean on me and rest any time
I’ll always appear the same
Even if she leaves me without saying goodbye
I’ll let her go saying thanks

Because I’m a fool

-psw-

Broken heart is curable?

2010-03-05T12:59:00.005+08:00

Okay, apparently I just found something interesting on the net..

"For every guy with a broken heart, there is always a girl who will carry a band aid and scotch tape with her!"

Just so you know, this is exactly 5 days after I moved to my new apartment.. I want to be in denial, but , in fact, the state of my apartment is clearly portraying the condition of the World War 2 after effect..

Fashion Disaster

2010-02-25T11:25:00.007+08:00

One fine day, Mira told straight to my face on Posh's Perspective regarding this "oh-so-handsome" picture of mine..

She said,
"posh said, 'THIS IS WHAT I CALLED a

F-A-S-H-I-O-N D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.'"

and ouch to that..

Great Escape :(

2010-02-19T11:40:00.006+08:00

How I wish that my life will be as simple as A B C
as easy as 1 + 1
or less bitter as if you were taking vitamin C instead of medicine..

Life is indeed unpredictable..
One day you are winning and tomorrow you will be treated as the loser..
You are likable today and out of sudden you turned to be one of the most hateful person in the whole earth...
You are enjoying life right now, smiling, and laughing hard with all your loved one and suddenly you are about to make a decision which might be impacting your life as a whole..
You are living with a strangers right now and out of a sudden you feel the sense of belonging with them.
You are laughing yesterday and suddenly found yourself to be homeless today. Or maybe,
You are about to take that brave step to go and live your life when the phrase "it won't do me any good if I just think about myself." keep replaying on your head.. or maybe,
You are just taking your time to find the perfect solution and you found out that there are someone, somewhere who thought that you were to indecisive and and up to no good..

Sometimes, I really thinks that this is the place where I really wants to belong..

You know what?
I really want to..
But I guess, my time is over...

Nervous Breakdown!!

2010-02-16T23:11:00.013+08:00

hey Peeps! I'm back to blogging apparently! So sorry for the slow update since I was real busy with school..
There's really nothing much to tell right now..
Thursday will be my first Accounting test so just wish me luck... I really hate exams... URGH,,,

4 Facts that I learned
about exams:

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Cupid?

2010-02-12T01:49:00.010+08:00

“I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

And I know why, it's stings during Valentines, Cupid KILLS!

to the broken hearted men ot there..

2010-02-05T11:21:00.004+08:00

“She’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She isn’t going to quote poetry, She's not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Don’t hurt her, don’t change her, and don’t expect more than what she can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect girls don’t exist, but there’s always one girl that is perfect for you.”

ps: if you are a girl then look at it from your perspective, or just simply change the word her to him... I just found this but I have to admit that it is indeed hit-you-on-the-spot kind of reflection..

lie to me??

2010-02-03T12:18:00.003+08:00

Apparently school and work has taken up most of my time.. There's nothing much recently, except that I still waiting for my school confirmation at California..
There will be 4 test coming up next week and I have tons of homework to do.. I made a new friends and she is a swimsuit model. She owns chi hua-hua and I wonder if she likes Paris Hilton. There's too much similarity except that she is a brunette and Paris is a blond..

She said, "Lie to me" and therefore he said, "I love you"

Im strong!!! Hahaha!

2010-01-26T10:05:00.004+08:00

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

and I am just wondering,
Where is the "good" in goodbye?

best friends :)

2010-01-24T15:58:00.003+08:00

A good friend will comfort you when she rejects you, but a best friend will go up to her and say "its because you're lesbian, isnt it?"

It just happened that you teach that to me, and it's my turn to return the favor..

that 1 % keeps me going?

2010-01-22T10:44:00.002+08:00

I'm 99% sure you don't like me.. But it's the 1 % that keeps me going...

Debut!

2010-01-15T12:54:00.004+08:00

Will you too?